I usually try to disregard this portion of people’s voicemail or answering machine message. WTF does it mean really? Isn’t it self-evident that you will return the call whenever it is convenient for you? Is it really necessary for you to have this self-serving group of words on a receiving voicemail? Really. We all know you’re busy. We all know you're successful. We all know we don’t merit a second of your time due to your level of superiority in whatever market you happen to work in, really we do.
It’s usually the same people who continually try to use .50c words they can’t pronounce much less spell. It's usually the same people that try to cover up whatever shortcomings they have by attempting to sound “sophisticated.” See, I just did it- I could’ve just said, “trying to sound smart,” but attempting and sophisticated sound loftier, more important, more worthy of my status. It’s usually the girls who walk around smacking gum and being otherwise very professional in their field.
It's usually the guys who are so full of shit in business, life and everywhere else -their own mothers can hardly stand their stench. At my earliest convenience; the stench is unbearable. I don’t know exactly when it started but somehow it caught on quickly, suddenly all these voicemail messages have the signature of “At My Earliest Convenience.”
Kinda like the ear-thing with cell phones now. These thousands of peoples walking around with that thing implanted onto their earholes. Who are they waiting to hear from I wonder? The only time I’m acutely aware of my phone usually involves expecting a call from some hot dude I happen to be infatuated with at that particular point in time. Business? It can wait. There’s no deal that cannot wait a few minutes, hours or even days if the weekend is involved. However did people manage without cell phones I wonder? How did business ever get done? How did money ever get made? Traded?
It's like the people who have the "Have a Blessed Day" signoff on their messages. The rule in our main office is: if you hear that "run, the loan will go into foreclosure." While funny and nonsensical the first time I heard that, it has proven fact several times already. The preacher-bbq wing seller-investor guy with the Jesus Christ Is Lord cap stopped making payments. The lady who blesses you each time she leaves you a message and each time you leaver her a message suddenly decided Jesus no longer wanted her to service her loan. That's my guess anyway 'cause after a while even her phone bill must've been a barrier between her and the Jesus- as it is "unable to receive messages."
It's like the gaucho pants everybody has started wearing. I guess random people heard the phrase on someone else's machine or voicemail and a light shone bright in their head: "Hey! That's a smart message. Sounds Good! I'm gonna put it on my machine." And so it went until it reached pandemic proportions- I hear it all the time it seems. Whatever happened to "As Soon As Possible," or "Soon," or even nothing at all?
Long gone. If you need to get in touch with me I'll get back to you at my earliest convenience 'cause any other time will just not fit my schedule, style and/or carefully crafted persona.
And yes, other people have written about this but hey, it's my blog and you read this far.....
2 comments:
Great post! I don't even know how to have a Blessed day... They say it like it's two words: Bles-Sed.
El Guapo
It's a Southern Jesus thing, I think the Northern Jesus would probably say it all quick in one word sort-a-way...
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