Careers for Me

So every once in a while I get these random calls from GH in the middle of the day telling me a crazy story about his day or about a crazy "patron" call at his place of employ- the "The Best Forever Rest Mortuary." These calls, when answered by the answering service, are recorded and therefore playable for recounting at any time.

Today the funeral home answering service received a call from a woman who wanted to know what she should do since she knew she was to "die for sure by tomorrow noon." Should she pin a note on herself advising the body removal people how to bury her? OR should she simply dress herself and drive herself to the the funeral home and wait while she "died slowly" at their place of business?

She asked if there was anyone to speak with at the funeral home and when told they would have someone call her back later in the day she replied: "Groovy," which leads me to believe that her "message from God" that she was to die "tomorrow by noon," was in fact delivered by her bad batch of acid purchased from some squalid doublewide already missing the underpinning and wheels.

And I wonder if I should change careers, forget this whole bank thing and maybe work as a phone attendant at a funeral home so I can reinterpret messages "from God"to random callers and simultaneously advise them on what to wear, whether pants, or skirt, T-shirt or Tuxedo top, magenta or periwinkle undies, hair pinned up or teased out. The possibilities are endless, the career fascinating.