So this will take some time

So I see this will require some actual learning, hmmm, ok- I've been wanting to do this so I'm up for the challenge. Those of you who do this all the time of course will think it "elementary" but that's ok, I'd think the same about all the things I already master- and trust me, it's a lot of things.

It's afterhours, so doing this, or attempting to do this here should be no problem. But if you can see this @ work, Hi Napoleon! I finished all my other projects for the day.

Napoleon is my boss, that's what I call him anyway, and you can probably figure it out w/o my having to explain why I call him that. I also call him "Al" sometimes, on account he forgets pretty much everything he tells you about 5 seconds into the conversation. We had a meeting today to update our department's website to generate more business and he disgressed into a "chigger" conversation. He asked me if I knew what a chigger was, I said "some insect." He proceeded to explain that it buries itself under your skin and lays larvae and then leaves you a bleeding, scratching mess. "But," he said, "you know how you can get rid of them?" I have now learned that these are all rhetorical questions for him -to be answered by him only so that you may be imbued with his infinite knowledge. "Clear nail polish, it suffocates 'em." Oh, good- I'll keep that in mind- thanks! He also proceeded to tell us that he gets them on the golf course, where he routinely has to search for his lost balls- but his game's getting better.

I actually took notes on all this, partly b/c of the sillinessof it all and partly b/c I was falling asleep and needed something to do. I actually keep all my notepads from work. I am going on my 5th year here and I have all the notepads I have used to date to take work-related notes, phone numbers and all that stuff I have to remind myself to do. Whenever I get to thinking that my life is a complete waste of time all I have to do is look into my bottom drawer at work and look at my notepad collection listing work-related events, tasks and stuff, to remind me of all the impressive accomplishments I can truly own up to! That always works- well, that and a few* beers to forget the pain.**

And today he was in rare form. He's a funny guy; still unable to do away w/ words like "broad" in the office environment and a myriad of other characteristics that would be seriously "frowned" upon by HR if they were to look into it. But he practically owns the place and really what's a word but just a word. And his stories are somewhat funny, albeit repeated too many times.

It sucks, when there's a new addition to our department as we are all forced to relisten to semi-funny stories for the billionth time. The guys usually laugh like they mean it, but I just look straight at him and sometimes make faces. That's not to say I don't partake into "kissing ass" but mine is more along the lines of I baked him a killer chocolate cake for his birthday and surprised him in his office w/ all the other regular asskissers from my department. They were shocked of course but happy it wasn't another shitty Publix sheet cake bought atthe last minute just to say you did something for your boss's birthday. And they ate it up, it's a good thing that I'm really a nice person and didn't "mess" with the cake, 'cause I could've you know. But really, I didn't consider the cake a token of my asskissing techniques (I lack in that department), but rather a nice thing to do for someone on their birthday.

So here's his joke of the day:


Boss: "Did you hear the one 'bout the little Jewish boy who went to Catholic school?"

Me: Blank look.

Boss: "Yea, the teacher said 'I'll give one of you $10, if you can name the the most influential person in history.' So she called on Matt OConnell and he said Adolf Hitler because his actions affected millions of people worldwide. She said it was a good answer but incorrect. She then called on Pete McDonald and he said Albert Einstein because all the stuff he discovered influenced lots of people. She said that was also a good answer but wrong. So then she called on Marc Goldsmith and he said 'Jesus Christ,' and she said it was right. So she called him after class and said 'How come you said Jesus Christ, you're Jewish.' And he said, 'Bidness is bidness.'

Me: Blank stare.

Boss: Looking around room, "I've always liked that one."



I've got to go skate so I gotta, sadly, leave this paradise that is my office for now. And tomorrow I'm on the road like every Thursday so I probably won't have time to post such interesting reading, but I'll get back on the learning train for this blogging to write a book, eventually, Friday maybe....
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*few: that can mean as little as 4 tall boys or 10- I usually loose count at that point, depends on how analytical I get while drinking, and how many "one more" phrases I've reserved for the evening. Or how, randomly bipolar I'm feeling that day.

**pain: that is a long list of sometimes self-induced pain, or real pain caused by others, or a long list of reasons as to why I feel pained in general or how many beers I'm willing and able to swig to erase the pain- oh, wait- I'm going in circles here.... Will have to delve into this at a later time.