Blowing Up

It’s great working for a rapidly-growing-planned-budget-exceeding-money-making company! Or so you’d think. (Yes, I realize some people don’t have access to jobs, but I’m not writing about them right now). Hate to keep bringing the penis thing up (well not really) but that’s what I keep seeing around here; that the simple, uncontrolled anatomical differences dictate my value as their employee. What am I in Kabul? Being the only nonmale in the department not in a fax-fetching, knob-polishing, data-entering, mail-delivering capacity I still deal with the lack of money aspect of it all, meaning my pay is not equal to the pay of those with attached penises that do the same work as I. Well, time feels short, another aspect of shelf-life in the work place I suppose- everyone has a limit.

Napoleon had a Sr. Management meeting this morning, which of course led to a department meeting afterwards. He recited a list of numbers -from net profit to year-to-date deparment contribution to current size of portfolio- all impressive numbers, all proving the importance/impact of this department on the overall company, hence the value of the peons that make up the department. Right? Great! “We’re doing great,” ‘cept I’m not. Yes, I know it’s a team effort. “We’re all bigshots,” Napoleon said. ‘Cept my bank account says I’m not. And yes, I know it’s not all about the money, I’m “learning from my proximity to the executives as I wouldn’t in any other banking institution,” but the bills won’t wait ‘till I collect on this “investment.” The mortgage company doesn’t care that my value will increase with time due to my being exposed to these great execs. They usually demand to be paid upon receipt. But that’s not how one approaches one's boss, talking about one's bills.

How does one approach the boss? If I listen to Suzy Orman, I should just work my ass off, have no social human contact whatsoever outside of work and allow my benevolent employers to notice my dedication and ardor for the company. She cited numerous examples based on some chick she tutored to become “financially secure.” According to her cockamamie theory, the powers that be will notice and will miraculously descend upon me with praises and unexpected raises if I follow her method. Right.

I am convinced she’s a plant by corporations. She’s a tool for them. I am convinced her stoopid Young, Fabulous and Broke bullshit conjectures were planned, created, produced and now broadcast/distributed by the Corporatti in order to brainwash her target audience into blind servitude for whatever company they happen to be in. I almost choked on a spicy peanut when I heard her say that one should never ask for a raise. Who the fuck is she kidding? Granted, one shouldn’t ask for one every month, but asking is what gets around these places. Negotiating with the boss is what gets you a ¼ of what one asked for.

Thing is -I expect a raise. I’ve been expecting it for quite a while. I’ve been hearing about it for yet another while. I already bust my ass. I just don’t wanna be the quintessential bride to an unappreciative, unrewarding, lowpaying company to then look back and say “I gave you the best years of my life.”

While I agree that “talent” and hard work are key ingredients in any company I also know that relying on those alone doesn’t get one far at all, because in order for those to work, those in charge have to believe and implement those thoughts/beliefs. And the reality is that those in charge pay much closer attention to the bottom line, their own pockets and their own amassing of wealth to the extent of often ignoring the needs of their employees.

I don’t expect a handout, it’s a two-way street: I work. They pay. And they should pay me, the penisless, the same as they do them, the penisowners, for the same work is all.