As a rule of thumb, people in general should not discuss the nature of their sexual relationships in a public setting, like say in a coffeehouse. I was sitting at my local coffeehouse- which is now making a fortune off of me even though I downgraded to regular coffee rather than the lattés I used to drink- yesterday and heard a most amusing conversation. (I have to clarify though, that it wasn't really a conversation, as one of the would-be participants was blankly staring at the other person who was intent on giving directions). So there I was, minding my own business- not really- on my usual Thursday mode, getting ready to go on the road like I do every Thursday; getting my papers in order and my day planned when these guys walk in, purchase iced frappuccinos or something, sit at the table directly behind me and start the following:
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Participants: 1)Older,Xbody builder looking guy who still thinks he looks marvelously delish in very fitted, shiny shirt tucked into very fitted jeans.
2)Youngish looking, Asian guy with overgrown, disheveled, I-don't-care hairdo.
“We have an open relationship.”
“Do you understand?”
“We have an open relationship.”
“Do you understand?”
“Do you know what that is?”
“Do you understand? It means you and I sleep together. You can have sex with anyone you want and I can have sex with anyone I want. If you find somebody else you want to have sex with us you bring him to me.”
“Do you understand?”
As Xbody builder old man received no audible response to his clear explanation, he must have decided Asian guy was hard of hearing because he then turned up the volume- a lot.
“Do you understand?”
“Do you understand? It means you don't lie. It means you don't sneak. There's books about it. Maybe you should read a book about it.”
“Do you like picking up hot men? Do you like picking up hot men? Do you like sexy men? You like ugly men? You only like ugly men?”
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So old man must not own a mirror after all. Interesting.
These conversations, I think, should be kept private, or at least at a low enough decibel level as to not announce them to the entire contents of whatever public place you happen to be tainting at the time. Then again, maybe old man is an exhibitionist and in lieu of what he usually does in public he decided to regale us instead with detailed instructions aimed for/at his new sextoy. I learned something new though, apparently,
open relationship = you don't lie.
Hmmm, I always thought it meant you were too bored with your life and were desperately seeking self-destructive means to "liven it up," or it meant you were quadrupling your chances at acquiring those really en-vogue STD's everyone talks about, or maybe you were on the fast lane to ending whatever realtionship was there to begin with. It seems to me that the very "openness," people engaging in this behaviour praise, is in fact the opposite, because it is in and of itself a lie. Then again, what do I know. Everybody's doing it. People everywhere are feeling the pressure of boredom within their sexual relationships and feel the need to bring in extra participants. I often wonder, if we, as a society are in fact in a downward spiral, but I quickly realize that people like this have existed always. Perhaps history decided not to record them properly or more openly, perhaps they were just better at keeping their mouths shut and hid all these things really well.
'"----Natural variation
Dr Ruth Norman, a behavioural psychologist with an interest in polygamy, has an unorthodox view on the subject. "Monogamous or polygamous behaviour is an intrinsic part of our sexuality in the same way that homosexuality or heterosexuality is. Some people are naturally inclined to polygamy in the same way that some people are naturally attracted to members of their own sex. It's just that society in general is prejudiced towards those sexual types."'
A friend told me that he and his wife usually had a third party in their bed throughout their 20 something year marriage, until inevitably he would fall for the person, then wife would get infuriated and the arrangement would be terminated. Until the next one came along that is. They are now divorced, not because of those particular incidents but because he decided to explore third parties on his own, but only after she became frigid and was no longer interested in him sexually or otherwise and he could no longer cope it- or something like that.
Dr Ruth Norman, a behavioural psychologist with an interest in polygamy, has an unorthodox view on the subject. "Monogamous or polygamous behaviour is an intrinsic part of our sexuality in the same way that homosexuality or heterosexuality is. Some people are naturally inclined to polygamy in the same way that some people are naturally attracted to members of their own sex. It's just that society in general is prejudiced towards those sexual types."'
A friend told me that he and his wife usually had a third party in their bed throughout their 20 something year marriage, until inevitably he would fall for the person, then wife would get infuriated and the arrangement would be terminated. Until the next one came along that is. They are now divorced, not because of those particular incidents but because he decided to explore third parties on his own, but only after she became frigid and was no longer interested in him sexually or otherwise and he could no longer cope it- or something like that.
Then there was the tell-all book by Jane Fonda in which she admits to having had third parties in her and Ted's matrimonial bed quite regularly. I guess you can say that didn't work out either. I didn't read the book, but CNN and other local news outlets honed in on that particular tidbit from the book, seems like that was the most interesting part of the book and all. And then there's everyday proof of the open relationship thing, people talking about it like it's no big deal and making talk that those who do not partake are some sort of prudish, assbackwards, closeminded, uncosmopolitan asses- oh, ok that convinced me. You had me at prudish!
Granted, we are all different. We all have different drives for everything- working, saving money, speeding, cursing, eating well, drinking, sleeping, sex drives; but shouldn't the commitment you make to someone override the drive to seek additional partners in bed? That's assuming there is any type of commitment to begin with of course. It just seems that "open" invites way too many issues no matter how "ok" with it both people say they are with the arrangement. From reading about this and looking around though, there is a large portion of the population that seems to be taking the alternative to this: cheating, so maybe this arrangement works for some people although not that I've yet seen.
Seriously though, I hereby decree that if I'm not enough for you in our bed then we don't need to be together like that- so don't ask. I mean, really what kind of person finds it perfectly natural and acceptable to make a mockery of the beautiful art that is lovemaking? Oh right, everybody doesn't make sweet love out there; the extremely bored, suicidal, next-big-thing-seeking bunch subscribe to the more the merrier theory while in bed. Then again, maybe people are watching too much porn out there, there's lots of free porn on the internet they say. Most men don't even know what to do with one person in bed. And I'm not implying women would perform better at having a third party involved either- it just seems, to me, that one body should require enough of your attention and time and available resources when you do find yourself in a sexual situation to not need a third body as well is all. Look at the picture though- they indeed look very happy and they look like just about anyone out there..... maybe they do know something I don't.
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