So there we are crammed into the executive level’s tiny kitchen, gorging on birthday cake and ice cream for D’s birthday when the new HR girl walks in looks at the three of us and disgustedly shakes her head and proceeds to kindly inform us that that cake and ice cream’s caloric cost is like taking the stairs from the 11th floor to the lobby and back, “all that sugar.”
Obviously nobody cares, but she takes our continued interest in the cake as an invitation to keep on babbling her crap:
“For my birthday we’re gonna have……. A fruit tray”
Ok. We don’t even know you. You’ve been here 10 days or something and other than walking around handing people their check receipt on payday and your occasional stroll to place that stupid “Birthday Tree” on people’s desks nobody really cares about you. Go back into the office and keep counting and verifying the hours of the non-exempt employees you HR nimwad. We don’t know you. I’ll probably be on the phone talking to the dial tone on your birthday.
“No one’s gonna show up -you have to have cake and ice cream,” the actual skinny girl on her second serving says.
“Yeah, you have to have cake and ice cream, or I won’t be there,” the crazy Jesus lady from the 10th floor mumbles between cake bites. “The only skinny thing on me is my elbow…. And my wrist.”
“Well, it’s better than having flabby upper arms,” says the idiot from HR. “But it’s a family trait, I used to work and work on it and I could never get ‘em skinny.”
“Maybe you’re not hitting the right muscle,” says skinny.
“I know how to work out, I worked out at Bally’s for like a year.”
I had to leave at this point, shoveling cake and ice cream into my mouth wasn’t drowning out her idiocy- that and I was making faces with my back turned to her and the other two in there and I were about to lose it with laughter.
Why is it that people that do not possess the gift of whatever it is they’re lecturing you about are so adamant about lecturing anyone within hearing range about it? I mean the actual skinny, skinny girl in there wasn’t talking about how if you eat ice cubes and tic-tacs for most meals, you can stay a size 0.5 forever. And the Jesus lady wasn’t talking about how not to keep your womanly face features hair free or nothing. Yet, here was this person who wouldn’t fit the in-shape-enough-to-be-giving-advice-mold going on and on about cake and the sugar and the fat and how we all need to walk down to the lobby and back. Shut the fuck up, really. Newsflash HR idiot #2, you’re not skinny.
Obviously nobody cares, but she takes our continued interest in the cake as an invitation to keep on babbling her crap:
“For my birthday we’re gonna have……. A fruit tray”
Ok. We don’t even know you. You’ve been here 10 days or something and other than walking around handing people their check receipt on payday and your occasional stroll to place that stupid “Birthday Tree” on people’s desks nobody really cares about you. Go back into the office and keep counting and verifying the hours of the non-exempt employees you HR nimwad. We don’t know you. I’ll probably be on the phone talking to the dial tone on your birthday.
“No one’s gonna show up -you have to have cake and ice cream,” the actual skinny girl on her second serving says.
“Yeah, you have to have cake and ice cream, or I won’t be there,” the crazy Jesus lady from the 10th floor mumbles between cake bites. “The only skinny thing on me is my elbow…. And my wrist.”
“Well, it’s better than having flabby upper arms,” says the idiot from HR. “But it’s a family trait, I used to work and work on it and I could never get ‘em skinny.”
“Maybe you’re not hitting the right muscle,” says skinny.
“I know how to work out, I worked out at Bally’s for like a year.”
I had to leave at this point, shoveling cake and ice cream into my mouth wasn’t drowning out her idiocy- that and I was making faces with my back turned to her and the other two in there and I were about to lose it with laughter.
Why is it that people that do not possess the gift of whatever it is they’re lecturing you about are so adamant about lecturing anyone within hearing range about it? I mean the actual skinny, skinny girl in there wasn’t talking about how if you eat ice cubes and tic-tacs for most meals, you can stay a size 0.5 forever. And the Jesus lady wasn’t talking about how not to keep your womanly face features hair free or nothing. Yet, here was this person who wouldn’t fit the in-shape-enough-to-be-giving-advice-mold going on and on about cake and the sugar and the fat and how we all need to walk down to the lobby and back. Shut the fuck up, really. Newsflash HR idiot #2, you’re not skinny.
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