Eccentric

Yesterday while flying around in the company jet with Napoleon, eating munchkins, drinking Dasani taking my seatbelt off 'cause I wanted to, I got to see what Big Time is. That's what Napoleon said anyway. He kept asking me if I'd ever flown in a private jet before, if I didn't think this was the only way to travel, or if I thought we could've accomplished so much in such a short period of time if we would've flown commercial. Nap and I left ATL for Charlotte went in to see an attorney for some case he's trying to solve regarding some bullshit borrower's scam who's trying to pay us off way short on a defaulted loan, left for someville to meet with some ridiculously millionarily old man, came back to Charlotte where he dropped me off said good by and then Nap went back to ATL where he probably proceeded to retell the story of his day's travel to anyone dumb enough to listen. (And I'm not calling you dumb here, you are reading after all).

This eccentric man we met in someville was short of unbelievable, maybe the older, jewish, smaller scale version of MJ- you know Michael Jackson, 'cept this guy doesn't sing or dance, he's never been to trial for allegedly messing with children, and I'm pretty sure he's never bleached his skin or rebuilt his nose. This man however has like a gazillion dollars, is building a railroad track on his property, has a merrigoround and is installing a teacup ride. He has a submarine, a tank and a jet fighter from World War II. He has a giant warehouse filled with everything from green bananas to expired candy bars, faux antiques to plus-sized women red bras. His house sits atop a mountain and is over 40,ooo sq ft with over 80 bedrooms, one ball room, three kitchens -one kosher of course- an indoor swimming lap pool, blues brothers replicas, a Rembrandt, an Anne Frank room hidden in the walls of the walnut covered walls of the library, three towers, a bomb shelter and some other stuff I lost track of in trying to find my way out to the front door while fearing I'd be trapped without food in the gargantuan structure and miss my jet ride out of there.

He told us his camel -which had two humps -had died recently and the emu was ok as were the miniature ponies, the assorted wild turkeys and the geese roaming the property. His geese love corn chips by the way. He stopped the SUV on the way out, the geese came squaking and flopping over to the driver's side door and he dropped an entire bag of cornchips on them which they quickly attacked with salivating beaks. Those lucky bastards, I have to buy my own cornchips.

This guy's an avid collector but I doubt he has the time to actually use all his stuff. He has more money than he or his kids and third wife will ever need but still wheels and deals like a pro. I watched him in action while buying property and the whole thing was a pissing contest, it was like a Monopoly game for him, where neither money nor the actual product really mattered- where only the negotiating and winning mattered, even if you los t a little bit. It was strange.

He's a pretty likable guy though, funny and kinda alzheimery, like Nap- that's why the two of them get along so well I think. You can tell they like each other but still the room's not big enough for them both- like they're always trying to up-one another. The old man knows a lot about a lot of stuff and repeats himself quite a bit. He said he's had surgery on one leg and he falls about once a month. I wonder what it feels like to have a bunch of shit you can't use. I guess it must feel good to simply look at it- although I can't relate- I am hands on, I want to use, touch and use some more. Except they call that crazy in my circles 'cause I don't have enough money to qualify for eccentric. Yet.