Breeders. Preggers. These terms, I’ve been told, are highly offensive to those actually practicing or planning to practice said roles. I find them amusing, a little condescending maybe, but still funny. I guess I refer to said roles in those terms simply because in the grand scheme of things I’m not really planning on doing either- that is breeding for the purpose of ending up a pregger. I once considered having a kid and being a single mom, thinking I didn’t need a guy to help me raise a kid and thinking I wanted a kid. WTF was I thinking though? I wasn’t even on drugs or anything- it simply seemed like a good idea at the time. Am I ever glad that dissipated into nothingness before I had a chance to act on it. I can’t imagine me with a kid. I mean; I’m sure I would’ve taken care of business and taken good care of the kid and stuff but still, a part of me thinks it would’ve been a terrible experience for the kid and for me. I still can’t get over the fact that I have a dog! I still forget to check her water sometimes, what if I would’ve forgotten to feed the kid for a couple of days? Somehow, I arrived at the conclusion that it’d be the most selfish thing to actually set out to have a kid with the intention of being a single mom from the onset. It’s one thing to have thought I didn’t need a guy to help me raise the kid and quite another to purposely deny the kid access to a father.
Even when I’ve considered a baby after that first thought of long ago, I asked my sister-in-law if she’d carry the baby for me. She said yes. She’d had three at the time what was one more, right? Plus, she said she “Loved being” a pregger, I mean I’d be doing her a favor. Then I thought that’d be fucked up too. How do you explain that to your kid: “Hey I hated the idea of being a pregger, but still thought I wanted a baby so your aunt carried you for 9 whole months while I just kind'a hung out and told her what not to eat and stuff.” That kid would hate me for sure. Best not to follow that route either.
Family doesn’t really ask those questions about status of relationships or prospects or whatever they’re calling it these days, guess they know better. People at work do ask every once in a while, especially when I place pictures of someone in my office, I’ve started downloading random pictures off the internet and placing those in my picture display area, and when people ask I just let them think whatever they want. But I’m starting to change them often now so now they’re gonna think I’m considering half of Atlanta or something. I don’t even know why people bother in asking such things, it’s not like we’re friends or like they really care. Just like I don’t care whether they and their husbands are still “happily married.” Most people seem to lie anyway. Most of the older women that work here are either divorced, separated or just bitter, why would I want part of that? The only person I actually do discuss a few things with -truthfully- is the Rabbi that I work with. He keeps telling me that people are never ready, that everything works itself out. While in moments of extreme delusional thinking on my part that sounds semi-enticing, it really sounds irresponsible in the end. How can you go into something simply “hoping” it works out? That’s crazy. Guess that’s my overwhelmingly positive attitude speaking!
So speaking of Preggers, we actually have one in the office. Her story is quite insane actually, the little I know is mad. She doesn’t seem to know who the father is, just like she seems to not quite know who the daddies are for the other 3 she has at home. That’s not the bad part though. She’s the one I wrote about a while back (http://tinyurl.com/awljf), I guess trying to be skinny is not the biggest of her problems after all. Since she’s such a healthy eater, she informed the person ordering lunch for a training class that they could not order just sandwiches with cold meats because she can’t eat that since she’s pregnant and all. Meanwhile back in the legion of doom, she is constantly riding the 23 floors down to the lobby and outside smoking area to go smoke countless cigarettes during the day. WTF? Didn’t they say smoking causes severe damage to fetuses and stuff? I know I’m not a doctor or anything, but given all the data on the damaging effects of tobacco overall isn’t it common sense to STOP smoking once you know you’re a pregger for sure? Perhaps that’s entirely too much to give up for the mere possibility of avoiding unnecessary damage to the fetus she’s carrying. Who am I to judge you ask? Somebody not pregnant smoking a shitload of cigarettes outside my building’s lobby area that’s who. Anyway, stuff like this proves my theory that some people were not meant to be parents, furthermore I believe they know it in their core yet they continue to breed. Maybe these people didn’t know any better at the beginning, but they sure as hell know for sure after they popped the first one- and yet, they continue breeding anyway, completely disregarding the outcome of the Life they carry. That is not only grossly irresponsible but just quite shitty overall as the fetus has no choice in the matter, it doesn’t get to pick out a responsible parent, a caring parent it’s just destined to be born to someone who places no value on the Life period. That’s beyond sad. So that said I’m gonna go on hoping that my nagging suspicion of my self-diagnosed infertility is indeed fact. I’m really gonna ask the doctor this time. Shit- I think I just cursed myself. Again.
Even when I’ve considered a baby after that first thought of long ago, I asked my sister-in-law if she’d carry the baby for me. She said yes. She’d had three at the time what was one more, right? Plus, she said she “Loved being” a pregger, I mean I’d be doing her a favor. Then I thought that’d be fucked up too. How do you explain that to your kid: “Hey I hated the idea of being a pregger, but still thought I wanted a baby so your aunt carried you for 9 whole months while I just kind'a hung out and told her what not to eat and stuff.” That kid would hate me for sure. Best not to follow that route either.
Family doesn’t really ask those questions about status of relationships or prospects or whatever they’re calling it these days, guess they know better. People at work do ask every once in a while, especially when I place pictures of someone in my office, I’ve started downloading random pictures off the internet and placing those in my picture display area, and when people ask I just let them think whatever they want. But I’m starting to change them often now so now they’re gonna think I’m considering half of Atlanta or something. I don’t even know why people bother in asking such things, it’s not like we’re friends or like they really care. Just like I don’t care whether they and their husbands are still “happily married.” Most people seem to lie anyway. Most of the older women that work here are either divorced, separated or just bitter, why would I want part of that? The only person I actually do discuss a few things with -truthfully- is the Rabbi that I work with. He keeps telling me that people are never ready, that everything works itself out. While in moments of extreme delusional thinking on my part that sounds semi-enticing, it really sounds irresponsible in the end. How can you go into something simply “hoping” it works out? That’s crazy. Guess that’s my overwhelmingly positive attitude speaking!
So speaking of Preggers, we actually have one in the office. Her story is quite insane actually, the little I know is mad. She doesn’t seem to know who the father is, just like she seems to not quite know who the daddies are for the other 3 she has at home. That’s not the bad part though. She’s the one I wrote about a while back (http://tinyurl.com/awljf), I guess trying to be skinny is not the biggest of her problems after all. Since she’s such a healthy eater, she informed the person ordering lunch for a training class that they could not order just sandwiches with cold meats because she can’t eat that since she’s pregnant and all. Meanwhile back in the legion of doom, she is constantly riding the 23 floors down to the lobby and outside smoking area to go smoke countless cigarettes during the day. WTF? Didn’t they say smoking causes severe damage to fetuses and stuff? I know I’m not a doctor or anything, but given all the data on the damaging effects of tobacco overall isn’t it common sense to STOP smoking once you know you’re a pregger for sure? Perhaps that’s entirely too much to give up for the mere possibility of avoiding unnecessary damage to the fetus she’s carrying. Who am I to judge you ask? Somebody not pregnant smoking a shitload of cigarettes outside my building’s lobby area that’s who. Anyway, stuff like this proves my theory that some people were not meant to be parents, furthermore I believe they know it in their core yet they continue to breed. Maybe these people didn’t know any better at the beginning, but they sure as hell know for sure after they popped the first one- and yet, they continue breeding anyway, completely disregarding the outcome of the Life they carry. That is not only grossly irresponsible but just quite shitty overall as the fetus has no choice in the matter, it doesn’t get to pick out a responsible parent, a caring parent it’s just destined to be born to someone who places no value on the Life period. That’s beyond sad. So that said I’m gonna go on hoping that my nagging suspicion of my self-diagnosed infertility is indeed fact. I’m really gonna ask the doctor this time. Shit- I think I just cursed myself. Again.
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