Quit?

My favorite bartender is threatening to quit drinking. I don’t know that that should make a difference in my own drinking habits, but somehow it got me thinking about the amount I currently drink. Again. Depending on the mood I’m wearing it’s either a lot or a regular amount, it’s all subjective most of the time, but enough to make me wonder whether it’s too much or not. I usually answer/justify it by telling myself that if I didn’t somehow alter my reality I would indeed go fucking nuts, but that’s all that is -a justification for a behavior that leaves more questions than answers. So I’m left wondering whether I should cut back or increase the dosage to stop the wondering at this point.

She recently quit smoking on a whim she says. So I guess she’s now looking for other things to cut out of her Life and drinking seems to be her next target. A good target I suppose, least her liver will thank her kindly. Thing is, I don’t wanna give up the beers, the copious beers flooding my system do something for me right now so why change it I wonder. But people, myself included, need projects. Bettering yourself is a project. Drowning yourself in stuff is a project, be it work, drinking, quitting drinking, quitting smoking, saving people, etc., etc., etc.

There’s a neighbor I usually refer to as the “lady on the grape,” simply because her teeth are perpetually a darkened red-purplish color when you see her, and she’s loopy and she’s borderline insane which I attribute to her daily partaking of the grape, the gallon bottles of her cheap red wine- not that there’s anything wrong with that. But when I see her I wonder if we’re not all destined to become one with the substance of our choice. Will I be known as the PBR lady in the future? Will I make someone wonder how close my ties with the PBR are? ‘Cause if that’s my destiny then I’ll shun the PBR at once. Well, maybe not right away, but soon.

I’ve had my times of complete non-partaking of the juice because other stuff occupied my time, my thoughts, and my constant need of entertainment. Mostly because I was too tired to drink. Living with someone is hard work. Well, living with him was hard work. Everything was work, from my actual job to the living together, it seems it was all work. Always something to do, always something unfinished, always something to plan. I remember going out-out was a novelty, not because we couldn’t, but because it took entirely too much effort and energy and who wants to do that when all you’re wishing for a is a few hours in bed, asleep, alone? Besides that who wants a hangover and the shittyness that goes with that when there’s so much to do? That and many other reasons kept me off the juice. You’d think it would’ve made me drink more wouldn’t you? But no, I was supposed to be the responsible one so I was.

And since living alone again, the drinking once again commenced, a tight bond with the PBR’s been forged, and there’s no need to break it just yet, or ever. PBR + me = yeaay. That’s a pretty good formula, and when you have a pretty good formula it is just plain dumb to change it or alter it in any other way.

But drinking has its setbacks as well. It turns me into the best dancer in the galaxy. It makes me the hottest chick in the room and sometimes it makes me angry at shit I don’t later recall. It also gives me great ideas for a book but since I’ve yet to purchase my miniature recorder I quickly forget those. It makes the guys hot Gods from Venus. But without all these my weekends would be providing me with even less material for these rantings I’ve come to look forward to, so all in all it’s a necessary step to this the Life I lead.

Something tells me she won’t quit just yet, so my own relationship with the PBR -which mostly develops at her bar- is safe for a while. Although I saw her downing water like a champ while I sipped my PBR last night, I saw the doubt flickering in her eyes as well. She wondered if she could stand it if she really quit, not the “temptation” as she called it, but rather the “putting up with a bunch of drunks” while stone-cold-sober. I can tell you from experience it is nearly impossible and quite disruptive to one’s Life and I don’t recommend it at all. So we shall see on her almost resolution, we shall see indeed.