Girl Raises

So after an almost 5 year stint I am starting to sloowly climb up this fucking banking ladder. Yeaay. If bartering your time with your boss as to your exact value as it translates to $$ signs isn't one of the bullsthittest fests ever I truly don't know what is. Why must everything be a pissing contest for "corporate" men?

I like Napoleon and all, he's a pretty good guy, he's from up North, takes care of his people, has nice hair, is a sharp dresser in expensive Italian suits and loafer shoes with the dangly thingies and plays it straight, what's not to like? (Those are all in the company handbook and we have to memorize them before we get to work in his division). So last Friday he calls me in and asks what my "aspirations" are, to which I quickly responded with facts: to make a zillion dollars in the next 2 years. Well, he said "No. Think about it over the weekend and we'll talk Monday." Which of course means: "We already have a number in mind which is what you will get -not a penny more and you'll take it." So, I had grand plans to research the market- to check out what the going rate is for whoring yourself out 5 days out of the week while spending 2 days in a drunken stupor forgetting to feed your dog and exchanging glances with other confused patrons at random neighborhood bars.< /div>

The research consisted of mentioning my pending review/raise with Vas, GH and a couple of my imaginary lovers (whom I was forced to spend some time with this past weekend- but that's another story). I meant to call a couple of my financially-stable-and-climbing friends but they no longer take my calls due to some bullshit about me being a shitty friend or something.

I thought about which approach would be best all of Friday night in between watching A History Of Violence, eating popcorn and trying to seduce Vas. Somehow I got lost with all the gratuitous sex, 69's, and that Maria Bello flashing. I did not need to know that her pubes don't match her "blondish" hairdo, really. I think the best scene of the movie was the two confused teenagers smoking pot while hanging out on Main Street downtown. That and Vigo's/Joey meeting with his older brother in the mansion.

But getting back to the approach: First I thought I'd play hardline and quote some extraordinary amount of money and go through the mandatory haggling to reach a decent figure. Then I thought I'd ask an offer and take the haggling from there. I hate playing these fucking games. I played out a million and one scenes taking place in Napoleon's office and yet none seemed quite right. When I got in there on Monday I simply told him to please skip the haggling since we both knew the number was already recorded on my next paycheck. I asked him to simply treat/pay me the same as he does my male counterparts, to consider that bringing in a fresh catch off the street costs much more than I do or will when you add the headhunter's fee and all the bullshit bankers demand when coming in to a new place, to discontinue thinking of me as a "non-family-supporter-bread-winner" person and a host of other things. At the end the paper was signed with the number that was already decided and way past due. Napoleon then made a huge show about how it wasn't final; he had to get it approved upstairs. Right.

And then the bomb dropped. "You got a minute? Come in to my office. The North Carolina office is in dire need." Translation? You're going to North Carolina, now. Shit! I just bought a new couch damn it, I have to break it in, my incompetent neighbors even put a minute tear on it while lugging up the stairs.

So here I sit in an overbooked hotel in NC (= I got one of their crappy rooms) trying to figure out how to best play this. Napoleon and I flew up this morning in the company jet, that means I am officially Big Time, not everyone gets to fly in the company jet, not everyone indeed. The best part? Napoleon has started going around telling people I got a raise and a promotion to come run their operation here. And, and- he says to me: "Congratulations. This is nice living. Not many women make this much money." WTF??? "I know it's not fair, but it's the truth, wouldn't you agree?"

There's a very angry looking bald men lurking behind me so I must give up the hotel computer, lest he throws something at me- that and I need water. Shit, I need that fucking laptop after all. I'll add it to the cost of hanging in NC.